Dear Diane: I am 30 and my husband is 31. We have twodaughters, 2 and 4. I want to have another baby but he doesn't.He once agreed provided I would lose the extra weight from our secondchild. I have done that, but now he says no to a third child.
Since I've provided birth control (IUD no longer available) forthe past 10 years, I suggested he have a vasectomy. He refuses to doso. I planned on having my tubes tied after having the third child.
This is something we can't compromise on, and getting a puppywon't satisfy the desire for another baby.
I'm giving serious thought to going ahead and getting pregnant,but I'm afraid it may drive him out of the house.
Can you offer any advice? MOTHER OF ONLY TWO
Dear Mother: You and your husband need some adult communicationabout the issue of having a third child, not more scrapping in adangerous game of "Gotcha."
Your husband played foul in reneging on his promise. If hedid not want a third child, he should have said so frankly instead ofplaying games with you about losing weight.
And where did the puppy idea come from? Whoever came up withthat one is trivializing the conflict and needs some sensitivity tohis spouse's feelings.
On the other hand, getting revenge by becoming pregnant willresult in more dangerous brinksmanship.
If your husband is unable or unwilling to discuss these matterswith you seriously, seek counseling together (or by yourself, ifnecessary) to resolve the issue of a third child and questions ofbirth control choices and responsibilities.
Any baby brought into the world deserves to have two parentseagerly waiting to love him or her. Unless your husband becomeswilling to welcome a third child, devote your love to your twodaughters.
Dear Diane: This is in response to Suffering Secretary's letterof Aug. 4. Like her, I worked in a small law office. We womenworked late almost every night as well as weekends with no overtimepaid. However, the men in the office were compensated for latehours, and this was flaunted in our faces. It was the last strawwhen they instituted a time clock and tried not to pay overtime.
I filed a complaint with the U.S. Labor Department based onillegal deductions (we never were given paycheck stubs and did notknow our deductions or gross salaries). Guess what? I was fired. I contacted the Labor Department again and they recommended awonderful lawyer who specializes in these cases.
So, even though my boss fired me and gave me a bad reference(which was against the law because he defamed my character), I didhave legal recourse.
Now, in addition to the complaint filed with the LaborDepartment, my boss will have to deal with his immaturity in court. HAVING THE LAST WORD
Dear Last Word: Good for you for pursuing your rights. And thanksfor writing.
Dear Diane: I've recently been labeled by my friends as"heartless." The problem is I have a very hard time keepingconsistent feelings for my boyfriend of one year (minus a two-monthbreakup in December when I decided we were through).
I'm considering breaking it off again. I love him - most ofthe time, anyway - but it seems dangerous for my feelings to keepfluctuating so.
I'm not heartless, just a 14-year-old deeply confused. Whatshould I do? MISUNDERSTOOD
Dear Misunderstood: Fluctuating feelings are normal for14-year-olds. But sending a boyfriend up, down and around on aroller-coaster romance can be heartless.
See if you can find even ground for the romance for a while.Break it off until your feelings for this fellow (or someone else)become a little more consistent.
Confidentially to Lost in Love: I've shaken out all the mailbagsand haven't found a letter from Lost in Love. Please write againand include a stamped, self-addressed envelope so that I can respond.
Send letters to Dear Diane, Box 3254, Chicago 60654.
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